Q&A

Today, we’re keeping things lively by differing some from my typical posts in favor of a Q&A this week! Yesterday on my recovery Instagram* account, I expressed my interest in doing a Q&A as my blog post for today, and these are the questions I received in response. Enjoy!

1)      Why are you so pretty?

I was not initially going to include this one because it was more a compliment given in the form of a question than an actual question. I was asked more than once though, so I decided to go ahead and give my two cents on the matter. I’m “so pretty” for the same reason every other woman on the planet is: God created me this way. Sure, I find it considerably easier to pick apart my flaws than to admire my beauty, but I describe recovery in a nutshell as a journey to learn how to love imperfection. That includes learning how to see your own beauty, and I’m finally taking steps forward in that area.

Thank you to you ladies who flattered me so with this “question.”

2)      How did you begin your recovery from your eating disorder? In the beginning, it feels hopeless…

My recovery actually began with me asking for help—not a typical start to the story. I was barely eating or sleeping; I was exercising obsessively; I was constantly pushing myself to do better; I was self-harming frequently; I was wearing myself down, and quickly. I still struggle with the fact that I made this decision, but I knew that I couldn’t continue this way, so I reached out to my parents, seeking treatment. I know it can feel hopeless—I felt it was mainly because wanting recovery for myself has been such a struggle for me—but I’d encourage you to stick with it. You don’t necessarily see the progress you’re making until you’ve been at it for a good while. Baby steps do add up, and eventually, you’ll have let go of things you used to swear you’d be doing forever.

3)      How long did it take for you to become weight restored?

I didn’t follow the typical pattern here either. I actually (unintentionally) gained back what weight I had lost before I started treatment, meaning that I didn’t need weight restoring at that time. I gained the weight back over the course of about a month and a half to two months though, which was not a fun experience. When I relapsed in November, I lost a very small amount of weight, but put it back on in a matter of a few weeks. Other than that little hiccup though, I have maintained my natural weight throughout recovery.

4)      What advice would you give to someone in your situation?

I’m taking my situation to be recovering from an eating disorder. From where I am right now, I’m going to offer two things that seem to be big themes/lessons in my life right now. The first is trusting that things will happen in the time they need to. I tend to either become impatient with the fact that I can’t snap my fingers and be recovered instantly, or I’m panicking because I feel that I’m recovering too quickly. In reality though, I’m just recovering at my individual pace, and there is nothing wrong with that. Secondly, and possibly even more than the first, I’d like to submit to anyone else recovering that sometimes, you just have to take the leap of faith. You won’t always know that the skies will hold; you won’t always be provided with the details of what the outcome will be. Sometimes, God calls us to trust Him blindly and just take the leap.

On a less faith based note though: I think that developing a support network is huge. I could tell you any number of things that are so important to work on in recovery, but having that network of people who love you, others who’ve walked the same path as you, and professionals who care about you is essential to you achieving any of them. They hold you accountable to stabilizing your eating; they validate logical thoughts and help dispute your eating disorder’s lies; they help you figure things out, learn coping techniques, and take those scary steps into the unknown.

5)      What was your toughest moment, and how did you get through it?

May I just say all of them spent in recovery, and one bite after another?

In all seriousness though, I think that I’m going to have to go with last November/December. During my relapse, it was put to me to decide whether I wanted to make an effort to recover again or not. Making the decision to start climbing again was not easy, and I honestly only got through it because of my faith. No, that was not the brightest point of my relationship with my Father above, but the realization that I finally came to rather suddenly one evening (talked about more in-depth here) was one that could only have come from Him.

6)      Are you homeschooled?

I am! I have not always been though. I enjoyed going to public school throughout elementary school, but after a horrid sixth grade year, I came home for the seventh and eighth grades. I returned to public school for my freshman and sophomore years, during which I attended an early college high school. I absolutely loved my school but returned to homeschooling this past fall. It’s been a difficult transition, but it was one made to benefit my recovery. I don’t strictly study at home though; I’m currently taking my foreign language (any other Latin students out there?) at a homeschool support school, and I’ll be taking all of my courses except for English there next year.

7)      What’s the best part of recovery?

Is all of the food a valid answer? I mean, Ben and Jerry’s, Oreos, Trader Joe’s Cookie and Cocoa Swirl, oats, what more do you need? No, I mean, as interesting as re-discovering food and more intuitive eating can be, it hasn’t been the best part to me. I think that personally, the best part of recovery has been seeing how it’s developed my faith on deeper levels than ever before. This aspect of recovery is one that even on a harder day, I still am grateful for; it keeps me going.

And that’s a wrap!

*Recovery Instagram: Learningtoloveimperfection